Sorry Brain. I will do much better. First thank you to all of the wonderful staff at the Stroke Ward at Burwood Hospital. From the cleaner who keeps it clean. The many lovely ladies who supply fresh water and help so much. The wonderful men and women nurses who take obs, medications, and care for such a variety of patients. Both listen and help patients. They know when a patient is not "normal". The wonderful staff who help with physio and encouragement and the ability to do things. The staff who helped my brain remember words. To the doctors who have such a range of patients. Knowledge and caring.
The Botox in my leg and hand has helped my muscles to relax and get exercise. Injection with a very fine needle that I couldn't feel and a clever machine that allows the doctor to look at your muscles.
I was incredibly lucky to be able to return to the ward a year after leaving. The first time my brain was very limited at the start and was better but still limited when I left. Although I was cared for so many I couldn't remember their names. This time a year on I was able to say hello to every member of staff, ask them about themselves and remember what they said. I feel so so lucky to be able to do that.
A switch flicked in me on Friday. I feel so utterly stupid. I was concentrating on the physical. Walking, strength. I stupidly was expecting my brain to just come right. Sorry Brain. Sorry. I promise you are now my top priority. I will do my very best to listen to you and try my best to help you. I realize this may involve days, weeks, months and years of hard work. I may become exhausted and fall asleep but it will be a happy satisfied sleep. I have to make up for months of dereliction. I am so so sorry but I am here now. I will do my very very best. Maybe there are people who can give me ideas. Maybe I can find ideas on the internet. What I do feel is that the "quick fix" drug solution will not work. I've have two spectacular failures at that. Serves me right. Rather than cover up I need to listen to my brain, and take every opportunity to help it. Every pain, every strangeness is an opportunity for me to think and trying and help and guide my brain.
I don't think any chemical "quick fix" is the solution. I don't think any technique to help me ignore my brain is right.
The CBD Oil is perfect, if makes the pain less painful, but I still know it's there, so I still have the opportunity to help my brain.
Thank you to the hospital for checking my body and brain. My brain scan revealed a sinus infection which should have been cleared with antibiotics. Nothing else. My ultrasound of my shoulder showed nothing wrong. So the pain is not cause by a physical problem. I coincidentally gained some extra balance at the weekend and the physio helped me use that and get a lot more confidence. More to do of course but a huge help and confidence boost. Walking is so important for confidence.
I now have no time to lose. My priority is my brain. When I have time help with the physical. Time to leave Room 12 and the amazing staff for someone who really needs it. But you my brain, you are my priority. I will listen, and I will do my absolute best. We will get there.
This morning I cooked eggs, cheese, mushrooms and sausages. Breaking up a sauage with my fingers I felt a pain. Ouch. Then I realised my right hand felt "very hot". That's my new attentive self, and happiness that my lovely brain has gained a new ability. Nothing serios, just too hot.
The work begins.......
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